This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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