What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize