Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
