Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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