If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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