I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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