we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
