I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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