I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
