Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
