My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
