he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
