put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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