you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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