Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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