saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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