the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Boobs are out for the taking
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
