I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
