Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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