so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I am one with the molecules
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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