Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
another moral hangover. fuck.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
