so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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