I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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