so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
