i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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