i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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