once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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