Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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