are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
