I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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