He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize