I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
