road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Let's get the cat blown out
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
