HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
