Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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