See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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