I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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