I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
