She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
