May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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