was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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