i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Randomize
