Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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