It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
