My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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