just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize