I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
