Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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