Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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