She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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