Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
