I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
