what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
