You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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