So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
