..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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