My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize