I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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