I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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