if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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