I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
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I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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