DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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